I recently watched a wonderful episode on the ABC’s Compass program that focussed on the end of life for three lovely elderly dogs and their devoted owners. It was incredibly touching, and it sensitively dealt with the fact that losing a beloved family pet or companion animal can be as hard hitting as losing a human family member.

There isn’t much spoken about regarding pet bereavement, at least not here in Australia. I suspect it’s a similar situation in many other parts of the world. The fact is that there is an increasing number of people living alone in western societies, and the rise of companion animals has meant there are correspondingly a lot of people outliving their cherished pet and facing bereavement.

Here in Australia, there are two camps of thought when it comes to the animals we ‘own’. There is the 'livestock and working animal' mentality of regional and rural areas, where every animal earns its keep. Then there are the urbanised areas where people think nothing of totally including a pet as an integral part of their family life, even sharing a bed.

Even so, people can generally be rather thoughtless in the face of this type of grief, with comments such as, “It’s just a pet” or “You can buy/adopt another one”. It can be that it just doesn’t engender the respect that other forms of bereavement get from others.

Any experience of grieving by a person which they feel they cannot express (perhaps because it is deemed somehow unacceptable or not valid) is known as disenfranchised grief. This could take the form of well-meaning parents buying a new replacement upon the death of the family pet, without allowing the appropriate time to pass for their children to adjust to the reality of grief and loss and absorb the important lessons about the cycle of life that death teaches us.

The bond with a pet is different to the complex relationships we have with other humans. There can be reciprocal unconditional love, and it can create meaning and purpose, establish healthy routines and indeed give us a reason for getting out of bed each day.

Some older pets, like the elderly dogs on Compass can be the last living link to a past era, such as childhood, or be the remaining connection to a past shared life, such as a marriage.

Pet bereavement is so much more complex than the physical absence of a cherished pet. It can lead to a loss of routine, connection with others, physical exercise and most importantly, affection and love. It has been demonstrated in multiple studies that the loss of a pet can be a factor that increases the risk of depression in vulnerable people.

In my experience, some grieving owners find it dishonourable to the memory of their pet to consider getting a new companion animal. There may be residual guilt that needs to be overcome before that can happen. I find it can be helpful to point out to a grieving client that they have the valuable expertise and experience to help a new pet have a good life. That they are not disrespecting their beloved, but they are in fact continuing the normality and the considerable benefits of having an animal bond in their life.

For more information on the various studies on pet bereavement, see this article: “Development of the Pet Bereavement Questionnaire”.